mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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