I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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