your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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