He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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