I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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