Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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