I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
organizing the empties. That sober.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize