Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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