Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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