My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize