he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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