Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize