even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize