At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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