he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize