no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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