come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize