Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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