this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize