I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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