I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize