Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think I just sharted jello shots
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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