this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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