your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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