Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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