i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize