I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize