yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize