The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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