I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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