I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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