i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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