Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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