you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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