So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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