I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
