That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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