Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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