She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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