I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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