yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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