One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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