Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize