And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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