Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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