She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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