About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize