I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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