I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
