So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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