life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize